Dining with the opposite sex, or gender you wish to impress, is often a culinary land mine.

One bad choice and Boom! Spinach embeds the teeth, niblets of corn turn pearly whites into gunks of yellow goo.

Or worst of all is a common condition called The Accidental Misfiring of a Crustacean.

This shooting of a shellfish, lobster, crab or mussel is a typical error when one is dying to impress — and dining with distress.

A friend of mine invited a man over for the first time and decided to prepare lobster. Incidentally, she’s an awful cook, and the most horrific of all things occurred. The poor lobster managed to claw its way out of the pot before it became butter-drenched and diving down her date’s hatch.

After drying her tears, my buddy became a vegetarian that very night. God love her. PETA does.

Dining out has come into play with plenty of my single friends who’ve decided to join online dating services such as [1] eHarmony, [2] WealthyMen.com as well as the old standby — and [3] Match.com.

I hear all sorts of frightening tales about these first dates, most involving and centering around meals. I mean, think about it. A guy meets you, either in person or cyber space. He likes you. He has all of his major molars and at least a head on his shoulders, even if it’s bald as a boiled egg.

Here’s what he will say.

“Would you care to go out to dinner sometime?”

Here’s what the single girl with options and optimism says. “Sure.”

It’s not like any decent guy’s going to ask a potential first date to a Monster Truck Rally or to shoot pool at Bubba’s Nudie Den.

So she goes to the restaurant.

The following are key mistakes she might make if not careful.

Ordering a salad and Diet Coke. If she does, he’ll think she has an eating disorder.

Selecting any of the aforementioned, attack-oriented crustaceans. Only during that famous scene in “Flash Dance,” can a woman get away with sucking down a lobster as if she’s entering an Erotic Eating Contest.

Avoid onions, garlic, broccoli, slaw, cauliflower and all those things that announce, “Nice to meet you. I’d also like for you to meet my spastic colon.”

Ditch spinach dishes and spirits such as Mojitos, which purely swim in cling-on vegetation.

Skip the spaghetti. It’s going to end up hanging from the mouth like octopus tentacles. In addition, you’ll need to carry a bottle of Spray ‘N Wash for the spilled marinara.

They say pomegranate is the healthiest food. I have yet to figure out how to eat one and hide the spent seeds. This is disaster-in-waiting, as is gnawing a log of corn like a starved hog.

So what can a woman (or man) safely eat during that out-to-impress first date?

The blander the better. Try chicken dishes, mild fish, steak, potatoes and vegetables that are easy on the organs.

Better yet? Go to a movie. That way if you don’t like him (her), you don’t have to say a whole lot. It’s a win-win.

Visit [4] Most popular dating sites